twenty quotes from john carpenter's classic flick of intrigue and love among the minorities

Twenty Quotes from John Carpenter's "Big Trouble In Little China" (1986)

Egg Shen (Victor Wong): "You leave Jack Burton alone! We are in his debt! He showed great courage."

Jack Burton (Kurt Russell): "Like I told my last wife, I sez Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides that, it's all in the reflexes."

"When some wild eyed eight foot tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks ya crooked in the eye and he asks you if you've paid your dues...Well you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye and you remember what old Jack Burton always says at a time like that. Have you paid your dues, Jack? Yes, Sir, the check is in the mail."

Wang Chi (Dennis Dun): "Nothin' or double. This knife cuts this bottle in half. Nothin' or double."......"That's why the bottle didn't slice. My mind and my spirit are going north and south!"

Jack: "Can I ask you a serious question?"

Gracie Law (Kim Cattrall): "Absolutely not."

Jack: "Well then would you ever consider just jumpin' right into...."

Gracie: "Sure, but never with a person in your condition."

Jack: "Let's talk about my condition. Just what's wrong with it?"

Gracie: "You should try standing down wind where I am. It's Miller time."

Jack: "You know what I say when it's Miller time?"

Jack (after Miao Yin is kidnapped): "Son of a bitch must pay!!"

Wang: "They got this sort of clubhouse thing, you know, where they all hang out."

Jack: "Sharpen their knives, huh?"

Wang: "I can't ask you."

Jack: "Where is it?"

Wang: "Thank you, Jack."

Wang: "Go right! Down that alley! Lords of Death, down that way!"

Wang: "Go right! Now!!" (Jack turns blindly)

Jack: "Alright, where's my truck, I'm outta here."

Wang: "You don't want to go back there. Isn't your truck insured?"

Jack: "Of course it is. That's not the point."

Wang: "A smart man gets it later."

Jack: "Smart man calls the cops."

Wang: "Cop's got better things to do than get killed."

Jack: "Oh yeah? So do I!"

[this is the version on my tape, but I'm sure I've heard it in another version where Wang's last line is "Smart man's got better things to do than get killed" which makes Jack's last line much funnier.]

Jack (into phone): "Mutual Fidelity Insurers of Sacramento. Yeah, well, there's gotta be a listing, Honey, I pay 'em six Gs a year in premiums."

Uncle Chu (Chao Li Chi): "China is here, Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing. The Wing Kong. They've been fighting for centuries."

Jack: "What does that mean? Huh? China is here? I don't even know what the hell that means. All I know is, this Lo Pan character comes outta thin air in the middle of a goddam alley, while his buddies are flyin' around on wires cuttin' everybody to shreds, and he just stands there, waitin' for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light comin' out of his mouth?"

Wang: "Jack, please"

Uncle Chu: "When did this happen?"

Wang: "It didn't, Uncle Chu, not like he says."

Jack: "Yeah, it did, Uncle Chu, two hours ago. Tall guy, weird clothes. First you see him, then you don't."

Uncle Chu: "A spirit medium powers. Like the immortals. His flesh and his bones are atomized. He becomes... a dream."

Wang: "That's an exaggeration, Jack, I promise."

Wang: "It's all up to you now, Jack. My destiny rests in your capable hands."

Jack: "Hey, I'll do my best."

Eddie: "The thing is to make them drop their guard."

Wang: "The thing is to look stupid."

Jack: "How do you do, Ma'am. Henry Swanson's my name, and excitement's my game."

White Tiger (June Kim): "Cash or charge?"

Jack: "Oh, gosh, cash, I guess. I mean, it's not deductible, is it?"

White Tiger: "Mrs. O'Toole will take care of your needs."

Jack: "Boy, you know, I wish these were in color. Because what I really am sort of in the mood for is a girl with green eyes. And price is no object, Mrs. O'Toole. Fresh off the boat's the way I like them. The more exotic, the better."

Mrs. O'Toole (Noel Toy): "Chinese girls do not come with green eyes."

Margo Litzenburger (Kate Burton): "This is just so shocking. I mean, I must just be so monumentally naive."

Eddie Lee (Donald Li): "You are."

Gracie: "The Wing Kong exchange? The most dangerous cutthroat den of madmen in Chinatown? You can't just waltz in and out of there like....."

Wang: "Like the wind. Yes I can, Miss Law. My mind and my spirit are as one."

Jack: "As two. I said I was coming."

Gracie: "I'd go with you but...."

Jack: "I know. There's a problem with your face. Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort, and keep the home fires burning. If we're not back by dawn," (he winks) "call the President."

Jack: "This is gonna take cracker jack timing, Wang."

Wang: "Total concentration. You ready, Jack?"

Jack: "I was born ready."

[Lo Pan rolls into the room in a wheelchair]

Jack: "Oh, boy. Look, we came here to see David Lo Pan, alright?"

Lo Pan (James Hong) (holds hand up to ear): "Ehhh???"

Jack: "David Lo Pan?"

Lo Pan: "And you have succeeded, Mr. Burton."

Jack: "What, you? I don't get this at all. I thought Lo Pan...."

Lo Pan: "Shut up Mr. Burton. You are not brought upon this world to 'get it.'"

Lo Pan: "You're not looking for a truck; you're looking for a girl. A girl with green eyes."

Jack: "I'm supposed to buy this shit? Two thousand years and he can't find one broad to fit the bill? C'mon, Dave, you must be doing something seriously wrong."

Lo Pan: "There have been others, to be sure. There are always others, are there not? You seem to be one who knows the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out. Yet we all keep trying, like fools."

Wang: "Lo Pan has plans for us. If he didn't, we'd be dead doornails."

Jack: "Lo Pan? Which Lo Pan? Little old basket case on wheels, or the ten foot tall roadblock?"

Wang: "One and the same person, Jack."

Jack: "You know somethin' you're not tellin' me, Wang."

Wang: "Myths and legends. I don't want to insult you."

Jack: "No, no. Go ahead. Insult me."

Lo Pan: "What does it mean? Two girls with green eyes? After all these years."

Egg Shen: "The power in this flask will be our only hope against the Bodhisattva of the underworld. The ultimate evil spirit. Yes. Only a dream can kill a dream. I've waited for this for a long time, Jack. The evil dream will die."

Jack: "What's in the flask, Egg? Magic potion?"

Jack: "Thought so. Good. What do we do, drink it?"

Jack: "Good. I thought so."

Jack (shoots at the "Guardian", which spins away): "Hey, ya never know til you try."

Egg Shen: "Time for the medicine!" (he pours it) "Cheers!"

Jack: "This does what again? Exactly?"

Egg Shen (drinks it): "Ohhh Good! See things no one else can see.....do things no one else can do."

Jack: "Real things?"

Egg Shen: "As real as Lo Pan!"

Jack: "Hey, what more can a guy ask for?"

Egg Shen: "Oooohh.....a six demon bag!" (rattles his sword excitedly)

Jack: "Terrific. A six demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?"

Egg Shen: "Wind. Fire. All that kind of thing!"

Wang: "Here's to the Army and Navy, and the battles they have won. Here's to America's colors, the colors that never run."

Jack: "May the wings of liberty never lose a feather."

Jack (lipstick all over his mouth): "Not so fast, Gentlemen."

Lo Pan: "Is it too much to ask, Thunder? Kill him! For me!!"

Jack: "Won't solve anything, Dave. Too many people around here have been droppin' like flies already and where's that gettin' us, huh? Nowhere. Fast. Nah, you know what old Jack Burton always says at a time like this?"

Thunder (Carter Wong): "Who?"

Jack: "Jack Burton. Me. Old Jack always says, what the hell." (he throws knife at Lo Pan, misses.)

Lo Pan (picks up knife): "Good knife. Goodbye, Mr. Burton." (throws it)

Jack (catches it in midair, throws again, kills Lo Pan): "It's all in the reflexes."

Wang (handing check to Jack): "Here Jack. Nothin' or triple."

Jack: "Nothin' or double."

Wang: "Triple. You earned it."

Jack: "You're right, I did. Thanks, Wang."

Jack (to Gracie, responding to her "proposal"): "Sounds pretty great. But you know something? Sooner or later I rub everybody the wrong way, and......well lemme think about it."

Margo: "God, aren't you even gonna kiss her goodbye?"

Gracie: "See ya around, Burton!"

Jack: "Never can tell."

Jack: "We really shook the pillars of Heaven, didn't we Wang?"

Wang: "No horseshit, Jack."

Jack: "No horseshit."