Stay For The Credits, Dammit!!!
One thing that never fails to piss me off, is people who blindly file out of the theater while I am enjoying the credits. And block my view of the screen! Dipshits. Why do I stay for all the credits, you ask? Well, there are many reasons, not least of which is, I paid for them, so I want to watch them, already! Does this make me a geeky surly curmudgeon? Well, probably, yes. But there are also plenty of good reasons to stay through the credits. In the hopes of edumacating some of you cretins, I'll enumerate some example flicks where you would be well advised to have patience. Here goes...
Dawn of the Dead (2004 version): As the main part of the movie ends, you think you are getting a happy ending. If you stay for the credits, you realize that nope, you DON"T.
Once Upon A Time In Mexico: You get one more haunting head shot of Agent Sands (Johnny Depp) with his hollowed out eye-sockets to make you shudder with revulsion as you walk out of the theater!
28 Days Later: In this lovely zombie flick, our heroes are battling hordes of bloodthirsty former humans, afflicted with a virus that makes them far less than hospitable. The movie is gritty, pitiless, and depraved. You gotta love it. But the ending is inexplicably upbeat! Obviously tacked on by a studio, afraid of alienating mainstream audiences. Well, never fear. Just sit through the credits, biding your time, and you get to see an "alternate" (although I suspect "original" would be the preferred term, if you ask the director) ending with all of the pessimistic nihilism that the earlier reels promised.
Any Jackie Chan Movie: Jackie always includes outtakes in his credits, which are usually amazing and hilarious.
Finding Nemo: The credits are full of the further animated adventure of the main characters, to hilarious effect.
Any James Bond Movie: Traditionally, Bond movie credits always end with a line something like: "James Bond will return in..... " and the name of the next movie. (One movie actually got it wrong, creating a great trivia question in the process.) They don't do this much any more (nowadays they usually just say "James Bond will return" if they say anything at all), but they always did it in the 60s and the 70s. I'm naive enough to hope that they will start doing it again, someday.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: I didn't see this movie, but Larry tells me there is a good inside joke embedded in the credits. If you see it, please let me know what it is!
Bats: As the credits begin to roll, you think everything is fine; all the evil bats have been destroyed, the cute couple has fallen in love, yadda yadda yadda. After the last of the credits, you get a close-up of one last bat (presumably a pregnant female) crawling up out of a hole in the ground, ready to set up a sequel. Okay, fair enough, classic cliche way to end a horror flick. But then the hero and heroine, driving off into the sunset in their jeep, unknowingly SMASH the poor little bat to smithereens! They save the day all over again, without even knowing it. I Iove the way that sequence both USES a classic cliche, and MAKES FUN of it at the same time!
Daredevil: The "Bullseye" character vs. "the fly".
A Knights Tale: After the credits, you get to see a major fart-fest. Always a treat!
Any Monty Python Movie: The credits are full of jokes, but you have to actually read them. Nuff said.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl: At the end of the credits, you get to see the monkey come back and steal a gold coin out of the buried treasure stash, thus setting up a possible sequel.
Three Thousand Miles to Graceland: Most of this flick was pretty useless, but the credit sequence almost made up for it: Kurt Russell doing an impressive Elvis Presley impression and belting out a King Classic (sorry, I don't remember which song it was, I was laughing too hard!)
Cannonball Run (and pretty much any other goofy Burt Reynolds flick): outtakes during the credits.
Wild Things: You get to see some of the major plot points cleared up, as well as a few good laughs. Granted, you could probably have figured out most of these plot points on your own, but it's nice to see them spelled out for you. And they are FUN.
Still More! A thread has been started on the Straight Dope Message Board on this very topic! Check it out HERE
Stay for the Credits, Dammit!!!
