Twenty Quotes from Sam Raimi's "Army of Darkness"
(aka Evil Dead 3) (1993)
(collected 11/4/2000)

Ash (Bruce Campbell) (voice over): "My name is Ash.  And I am a slave."

Ash: "Shop Smart.  Shop S-Mart!"

Ash, voice over continues: "Necronomicon Ex Mortis, The Book of the Dead.  Bound in human flesh and inked in blood.  This ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations, and demon resurrection passages.  It was never meant for the world of the living."

Duke Henry (Richard Grove): "I am Henry the Red.  Duke of Shael, Lord of the Northlands, and leader of its peoples."
Ash: "Well hello, Mr. Fancy Pants.  I got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and Shit.  And Jack left town."

Ash (after escaping from the pit): "All right.  Who wants some?  Who's next, huh?  How 'bout it?  Who wants some, huh?  Who wants to have a little?  You.  You want some more?  Huh?  You want a little?  Do ya?  Do ya want some more?  Huh?  Huh?"

Ash (brandishing his shotgun): "All right you primitive screwheads, listen up.  See this?  This is my BOOM STICK!  It's a 12-gauge double barreled Remington.  S-Mart's top of the line.  You can find this in the sporting goods department.  That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  Retails for about a hundred and nine ninety-five.  It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger.  That's right.  Shop smart.  Shop S-Mart.  Ya got that!!!  Now I swear.  The next one of you primates even touches me......." (then he blows away the pit monster)

(Sheila is sucking up to Ash)
Ash: "First you wanna kill me.  Now you wanna kiss me.  Blow."

Ash (beckoning the witch to a fight): "Yo, She-Bitch.  Let's go."

Ash (to Sheila) "Gimme some sugar, baby."

Wiseman (Ian Abercrombie): "This path will lead you to an unholy place.  A cemetery.  There, the Necronomicon awaits.  When thou retrievest the book from its cradle, you must recite the words, 'Klaatu Barada Nikto'."

Ash (to his evil doppelganger): "Good.  Bad.  I'm the guy with the gun."

Ash (upon retrieving the book): "Klaatu Barada..... Lu..... Necktie..... Nectar...... Nickel..... Noodle..... it's an "N" word.....  it's definitely an "N" word"

Ash: "I'm through being their garbage boy.  I did my part.  Now I want back.   Like in the deal."

Wiseman: "When you removed the Necronomicon from the cradle, did you speak the words?"
Ash: "Yeah, basically."
Wiseman: "Did you speak the exact words?"
Ash: "Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no, but basically I said 'em, yeah."
Wiseman: "Dung-eating fool!  Thou hast doomed us all!  When thou misspoke the words, the Army of the Dead awoke!"

Sheila (Embeth Davidtz): "But what of the things that we've shared?  What of all the sweet words that you spoke in private?"
Ash: "Ah well....... well that's just what we call 'pillow talk' baby.  That's all."

Lord Arthur (Marcus Gilbert): "Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?"
Ash: "Nope.  Just me, baby.  Just me."

Ash (watching the Deadites advancing): "There's so damn many of them.  Maybe, just maybe my boys can stop 'em from gettin' the book.  Yeah.  Maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot."

Evil Sheila: "You found me beautiful once."
Ash: "Honey, you got real ugly."

S-Mart Chick: "You know that story about how you could have been king?  I, uh, I think it's kind of cute."
Ash (sheepishly): "yeah...."
(witch-like creature interrupts them by trashing the store)
Ash: "Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store."
Witch: "Who the hell are you??"
Ash: "Name's Ash.  Housewares."
Witch: "I'll swallow your soul!!"
Ash: "Come get some."
(Ash blows away the witch after an acrobatic fight)
Ash (voice over): "Sure, I could have stayed in the past.  Could have even been king.  But in my own way, I am king."
Ash (to the S-Mart Chick): "Hail to the king, baby." (kisses her)

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