Twenty Quotes from Tony Scott's "The Last Boy Scout" (1991)
(collected 9/9/00)
Billy Cole (Billy Blanks) (after shooting his way into the end zone during a pro football game): "Ain't life a bitch?" (then he blows his head off)
Mike Matthews (Bruce McGill): "You sound terrific. What did you do last night?"
Joe C. Hallenbeck (Bruce Willis): "I think I fucked a squirrel to death and I don't even remember it."
Joe: "Head or gut, Mike?"
Mike: "Joe, how long we been friends?"
Joe: "I'd say roughly till you started banging my wife. Head or gut?"
Mike: "Gut." (Joe slugs him in the gut.)
Joe: "Women have secrets. Water's wet, the sky is blue, women have secrets. Who gives a fuck?"
Alley Thug (Badja Djola): "Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal."
Joe: "That's what you think. Last night I fucked your wife."
Alley Thug: "Oh you did, huh? Well, how'd you know it was my wife?"
Joe: "She said her husband was a big pimp-looking motherfucker with a hat."
Alley Thug: "Oh you're real cool for a guy about to take a bullet."
Joe: "After fucking your wife, I'll take two."
Alley Thug: "So now where you want it? In the chest, or in the head?"
Joe: "That's what your wife said."
.......Joe incapacitates him with a broken bottle
Alley Thug: "Oh. you bastard!"
Joe: "And then some."
Joe: "Leather pants?"
Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans): "Yeah."
Joe: "What's something like that run?"
Jimmy: "Six Fifty."
Joe: "Six hundred fifty dollars?"
Jimmy: "Yeah."
Joe: "They're pants?"
Jimmy: "Yeah."
Joe: "You wear them."
Jimmy: "Yes."
Joe: "They don't have like a TV in them or something?"
Jimmy: "Nope."
Joe: "I am very old."
Jimmy: "Say man, you ever play ball? You got a good build."
Joe: "What are you, a fag?"
Jimmy: "No, I'm just trying to break the ice."
Joe: "I like ice. Leave it the fuck alone."
Jimmy: "Cory could have plenty of rich guys. Me, she loved."
Joe: "Oh, love, well, forget about that."
Jimmy: "You don't believe in love?"
Joe: "Yeah, I believe in love. I believe in cancer."
Jimmy: "What, they're both diseases?"
Joe: "Something like that."
Jimmy: "I wanna meet the bitch that fucked you up."
Joe: "You just won't let go, huh? You're like a dog with a Frisbee."
Jimmy: "My girl's dead. They guys that did it are up at Spago's eating chicken marsala."
Joe: "Reindeer goat cheese pizza."
Jimmy: "It ain't right."
Joe: "No it ain't right. This ain't no game, Flash. Real guns. Real bullets. It's dangerous."
Jimmy: "Danger's my middle name."
Joe: "Mine's Cornelius. You tell anybody I'll kill you."
Jimmy (toasting): "To Alex, the accountant!"
Joe: "Your accountant's name is Alex?"
Jimmy: "No. But he could have been. Alex was my son."
Cop: "Good morning, gentlemen. Is there a problem?"
Milo (Taylor Negron): "Yes, officer, as a matter of fact there is a problem. Apparently there are too many bullets in this gun." (shoots him.)
Milo: "You must be James."
Jimmy: "James?"
Joe: "He does that with everybody. Calls me Joseph."
Milo: "I trust you're alone?"
Jimmy: "No, I got the fucking Vienna Boys Choir with me."
Joe (hands gun to Jimmy while driving desperately away): "Here, take this!"
Jimmy (all flustered): "What am I gonna do with this?"
Joe: "Point it at the bad guys and shoot!"
Jimmy: "You're a real bastard, you know that, Joe?"
Joe: "And then some."
Joe: "Water's wet, the sky is blue......and old Satan Claus, Jimmy, he's out there, and he's just getting stronger."
Jimmy: "So what do we do about that?"
Joe: "Be prepared, son, that's my motto. Be prepared."
