Twenty Quotes from Gary Fleder's "Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead" (1995)
Joe (Jack Warden): "I knew the kid was lunchy, but not this fuckin' lunchy. They picked him up in the schoolyard, fishing for saplings!"
Joe: "Jimmy the Saint from Flatbush. Went to seminary school but lost the calling. But in his day.......the bitch's bastard!"
Jimmy the Saint (Andy Garcia): "Are you in love?"
Dagney (Gabrielle Anwar): Well, there is someone. We date. I have memorized his phone number, but I won't use his toothbrush. We're somewhere in between. And he's crazy about me."
Jimmy the Saint: "As he should be. You glide. It's a very attractive quality. Most girls, they merely plod along; you, on the other hand, you glide........Tell me about him. What's his name, Chip?"
Jimmy the Saint: "Same thing. Does he make you thump?.....Girls who glide need guys who make them thump."
The Man With The Plan (Christopher Walken): "You into that yet? Bitin' pillow? You will. It's a liberal thing. One day you're saving the rain forest, the next, you're chuggin' cock, am I wrong? I'm ass-fixed to this chair, I'm tired. I'm old. I shit in a bag, I piss in another. I got a nurse. Call the nurse......She's a 10, Jimmy. She's a planet unto herself. She can't nurse worth shit but, I keep her on 'cause, although I can't feel it, I know I have erections in her presence. Understand?.........Bernard, my son, he's all that's left of my Cynthia, and he's crazy as a shithouse rat. The other day, they catch him in the elementary school playground grabbin' itty bitty titty."
The Man With The Plan: "It's just an action. It's not a piece of work. Catch the creep. Out on the highway, before he gets to Meg's. Brace him. Make it so's he'd sooner fuck the fryolator than propose to Meg."
Pieces (Christopher Lloyd): "I lost a toe the other day. Believe that shit? A toe!! I found a croaker downtown, diagnosed it as a circulatory problem. A fuckin' circulatory problem! I want to kill the bastard but I can't get my fingers around his......" (makes grimace of futility and flexes mangled hands)
(Critical Bill is using a dead body on a chain for a punching bag)
Franchise (William Forsythe): "Critical Bill, man, what the fuck are you doing?"
Critical Bill (Treat Williams): Workin' out. Don't bother him much. I knew this guy when he was alive. He was a mammy rammer........I am what I am: Back of beyond, right? Same as always. I'm in the back of beyond."
Jimmy the Saint: "It is what it is. Bottom line, we're playing cupid to an overweight, silver-spooned simpleton, child-molesting fuck. That's what it is. But it's good for ten each. Nobody gets hurt."
Easy Wind (Bill Nunn), complaining about working with Critical Bill: "A fecal freak, a brown boy! A fuckin' dookie taster!"
Jimmy the Saint: "Sit down! Get down! We're in a goddam malt shop!"
Critical Bill: "Dammit, Jimmy, I'm forty one fuckin' years old, and they still call me Critical Bill, you know? I mean, I have really changed, man, how do you think that makes me feel?"
Jimmy the Saint: "Billy, you're beating up on corpses, Bill."
Critical Bill: "Well that's the point, Jimmy, that's the thing man. Doin' that with them bodies, I mean that keeps my powder dry."
Dagney: "The Maitre' d'? Sally? He called you 'Jimmy the Saint'. Well how come?"
Jimmy the Saint: "'Cause I say eleven 'Our Fathers' and a 'Hail Mary Full of Grace' every time I go to bed..... and I never kiss on the first date."
Jimmy the Saint: "Sad but true."
Jimmy the Saint: "You can go years without a Dagney. You can be a man armed with only a fork in a land of soup. And then one day you meet one."
Pieces: "I been think' about this guy. My neighbor, next door, a few years ago. A citizen. Never married, no kids, just a sweet guy. And he got a cancer. A bad one. And he was dyin'. I been thinkin' about him. Thinkin' how if, in his last days, when he was layin' on the bed, starin' up at the ceiling, in this shitty little apartment, knowin' he was gonna die, was he sorry he never did nothin'? Was he sorry he never did the fox-trot with a two thousand dollar a night hooker in a Paris night club? Jimmy, we did the things...... I don't have any regrets. I'm not gonna stare up at the ceiling."
Joe: "Boat Drinks. That's a common toast in prison. An ideal. Yeah, at the end of a long bad life, there you are. On a big cabin cruiser somewhere in the Florida keys. Havin' boat drinks."
Dagney: "You definitely got some kind of double-life thing happening. Are you a gangster?"
Jimmy the Saint: "A gangster. Do they still have gangsters?"
Dagney: "Yes. 'Jimmy the Saint' sounds kind of gangsterish."
Mr. Shhh (Steve Buscemi): "A choice. You could tell me where Earl Denton is. Or you could tell it to the worms."
Jimmy the Saint: "Hey Malt! Lucinda wants my baby. Should I give her the seed?"
Malt (Bill Cobbs): "That's just what this world needs. The unholy offspring of you two beggar-smashers."
The Man With The Plan: "You're still here, Jimmy. You're still in Denver. Why don't you just walk over and spit a green louie into my crippled face? 'Cause, you're still being here is the equal of, I think, just that."
Critical Bill: "Jimmy, you know, I'm glad you found me man, because I been wantin' to talk to you. You know, I been wantin' to apologize to you Jimmy about that, what happened out on the highway the other night? You know man I just, well I kinda lost my shit out there, ya know? But, damn, Jimmy, it was kinda irresponsible of you to put me out on the point in the first place, ya know? When you think about it, it really was sorta your fault. I mean, everybody knows, I'm out of my tits."
Critical Bill: "I ain't goin' nowhere, Jim. They can send who they wanna send, I will fuck them up five days from Tuesday. Listen, the Man with the Plan's just a fuckin' head. You ever think about that? We all bow, and cower, and run chicken from some fuckin' head! Well no more, Jimmy. My new motto: Fuck the Head!! Ha! You like that? Fuck the Head!!!"
Critical Bill: "This one scale offered me five centuries to do it."
Jimmy the Saint: "To do what Bill?"
Critical Bill: "Eat it, man! Not a lot, just a little piece. I'm sayin', Easy Wind is a lyin' moon cricket. But maybe on this one, he wasn't really lyin', 'cause I did it. For a small nickel. See, see, he leaves that part out. Five yards man. And it was only a little bitty piece of shit. I mean, it didn't really have no taste, either. Spongy."
Jimmy the Saint: "You gave me your word on Franchise."
The Man With The Plan: "Oh yeah. Gave you my word. Gee whiz. Jimmy, don't you see, I'm a criminal. My word don't mean dick."
Critical Bill (while attacking Mr. Shhh): "I am Godzilla!!!!! You are Japan!!!! Your reputation far exceeds your skills, mammy rammer."
Dagney: "You're doing the talking thing again."
Jimmy the Saint: "I'm dying. I went to see a doctor, he tells me I'm dying. He tells me I have to give you back to all the others. Dagney, listen. I really have to go. I'm gonna cry here in the middle of Silver Naked Lady and its bad for my reputation. I love you, you know that. And I know if I had a chance to take possession of your soul I would have made it smile. Don't cry."
And, pretty much everybody in the movie, many times: "Give it a name!" (whatever the hell that means!)